Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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My breasts were aching with rage.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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