He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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