Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
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how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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