if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
