were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
