there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
