This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
