I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
