Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize