Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.