how can u be prego again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream