The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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