oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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