Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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