there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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