I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
