It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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