I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
