i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
