D3 body, D1 cock
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
