My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
