"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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