She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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