i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Still dying that you shit outside
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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