Where is the hickey?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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