i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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