Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
