Don't you send me to vm
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
