so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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