so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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