That's intense
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
