in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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