You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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