I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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