Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
