nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
