Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
