Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
