Four minutes until I can fart!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
