there's paper in my vomit.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize