Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
