Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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