do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize