yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize