I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
