I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
