We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
