I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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