We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
