Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
