Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
