Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
