I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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