K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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