i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
