did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
