Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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