brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
