I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
