I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
