Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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