Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
