whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
