I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just invented taco cereal.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Shame is for Republicans.
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