Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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