Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
